Expletives Deleted.

Tonight’s meeting was meant to be the eighth round of this year’s hotly contested F1 championship, but what it turned into was a lesson in profanity with a bit of slotcar racing thrown in as an afterthought. Even before practice had finished, so many drivers had crashed that the air was blue with exclamations of discontent. It would only get worse.

Heat 1, group 1, and Chris kicked it off by crashing and gently rebuking himself with an “oh fu*k.”  Group 2 followed suit, David and Terry tangling with each other and issuing a “bollo*ks” and “f*ck it.”

Jim upped the game in heat 2 with a “you c*nt” aimed at his car. Others were quick to follow and add a bit of variety: “sh*t”, “bugger”, “sod it” and worse. Lap after lap we were treated to an eloquent recital of slotcar vernacular.

First to start blaming others instead of his car was David when Terry crashed into him for the third time, the two so similar on pace that tangling was inevitable. “For fu*k’s sake Terry. Every fu*king heat!”

And so it carried on, heat after heat, the race a nightmare for most drivers, only Josh and Neil sailing through unscathed, Josh to take the win, and Neil to take third and a podium spot for the second time this year, just two weeks after his previous visit.

Molesey’s bookshelf needs a thesaurus, because by the time the night was out, every swear word known to the assembled racers had been used multiple times and new ones would have been welcome. Who said slotcar racing is dull? Twat.