Crash, Burn, Laugh.

A new year, a new competition. For 2023 Molesey has revived its Crash & Burn Challenge, to be run each week ahead of the night’s “proper” racing. Every driver is timed over one flying lap, each driving the same car in the same lane using the same controller. It’s a simple formula designed to test a driver’s skill at adapting quickly to a strange car, with an added bonus: plenty of opportunity for onlookers to take the mick out of those who crash, an opportunity gleefully exploited this week at Lee’s expense.

This week’s car was Alex’s modified Carrera Alfa Romeo GTA Silhouette. David went first, then Alex, then Simon, all completing their lap without much drama or complaint. Eventually it was Lee’s turn, and immediately he wowed his audience with his ability to instantly diagnose a car’s faults. With just half of his timed lap’s first corner completed he’d pronounced the car, to paraphrase, “utter garbage”. By the time he’d reached the fourth corner he’d diagnosed tyre and chassis flaws, and by the time he should have finished he’d crashed, which was just as well, because by then he’d almost exhausted every excuse in the Racing Driver’s Book of Excuses and would have struggled to find more for subsequent corners. It was an object lesson in blaming the tool, not the operative, but it was damned funny for everyone watching, so funny that fellow crashers Julian and Terry escaped with barely a comment from the spectators. If Lee keeps this up for every round, we’re in for a great year.

Then came the night’s feature, Sideways Group 5, which clearly didn’t want its limelight stolen by the Crash & Burn competition so served up a super-close finish.

Heat 1 saw Julian head Lee by 2.47 seconds, with David and Simon fighting over third. Simon overtook David in heat 2 to hold third by just 0.09, but a huge crash in heat 3 involving David, Simon and Neil wrecked David’s car and race, cost Simon time too and meant that Terry and Neil moved up to third and fourth.

The remaining three heats were all about the fight for the win between Julian and Lee. Try as he might, Lee couldn’t close the gap to Julian in heats 4 and 5, heading into the decider still 2.42 seconds adrift. Could he redeem himself after his Crash & Burn disaster?

The final heat saw Julian produce his worst heat of the night and give Lee a sniff of victory. Lee made the most of it, opening a two-second gap which was the most he’d led Julian by in any heat, but it wasn’t quite enough, Julian hanging on to the overall win by the slimmest of margins, just 0.08 seconds. It was an excellent end to what had been an excellent evening.

Crash & Burn is back next race too. Let’s hope the Racing Driver’s Book of Excuses has gained a few entries by then, because it’s a safe bet someone will want to use them…