Life, Death and Jags.
Molesey GT returned this week, which is more than can be said of your correspondent, so once again the club’s spies were recruited to provide the news, rumours and downright nonsense.
First things first. Josh recorded the fastest Molesey GT race lap yet, but didn’t make the podium. Julian didn’t set the fastest lap, but grabbed the win instead. Anyone with an eye for stats would see a pattern developing here: Josh, 23 races this year, 19 fastest laps, 11 wins; Julian, 25 races, 7 fastest laps, 15 wins. Hmm…
If this were real-life motor racing, Josh would have driven for Ferrari, never have won a championship, killed himself attempting another banzai qualifying lap, and now be idolised as one of the greatest drivers ever, while Julian would have driven for Mercedes and McLaren, won a load of championships, beaten almost every record going, yet be remembered more for his fashion-sense and dire singing. Life’s weird like that.
Terry, who likes his drink and ‘niche’ pursuits, would have been a Red Bull number two, grateful for the free caffeine and out-of-hours spankings from Mr Marko. Ed The Gritter would have trashed the ice and snow rounds of the World Rally Championship – “Elf and safety, mate. Elf and safety” – and Simon and Lee would have been banned for repeatedly breaking circuit noise limits.
Which leaves Graham, Neil, Alex and Tom. Graham, like Kimi Räikkönen, would have earned a fortune and become massively popular by the simple expedient of not saying much, Tom would still be racing in Formula Little Tikes, and Neil and Alex drive Jags, so they don’t count. Tough.
All of which is a long-winded way of saying that allegedly not much happened at this week’s race, other than Julian running what appeared to be a trick 3D-printed Mosler chassis, and Alex driving a Team Bryant car in which he lapped almost four tenths quicker in red lane than he did in any other, an anomaly that’s easily explained: he drives a Jag and has trendy facial hair. Double tough.
And should anyone be wondering, your correspondent wouldn’t have featured in this list. He’d have been dead long before he’d graduated from junior formulae.
