Grief, Excuses and Pubes.
Just six drivers turned up for this week’s Molesey GT round, the remainder of the club’s membership either asleep, drunk, overcome with grief after the death of The Queen, lost, ill, conducting an illicit extra-marital affair, on holiday, racing elsewhere, at work or couldn’t be bothered.
We’re a tolerant bunch at Molesey, so all but couldn’t be bothered is an acceptable excuse. For the couldn’t be bothered, cleaning the club’s loo and sweeping the pubes from beneath the drivers’ rostrum await you. And don’t moan, because we could go a whole lot further and make you drive one of Simon’s handbuilt cars. Now that’s a proper punishment.
With your correspondent absent again, the spies once again provided the news. Allegedly the race was dominated by the state of the track, some lanes with grip and some without. The lap times, however, tell a different story, with most drivers’ times not varying any more than usual from lane to lane. Julian, the night’s winner, was very consistent, doing mid 7.8s in every lane, which suggests that the Racing Drivers’ Book of Excuses was once again fully operational. No change from normal, then.
Julian finished Heat 1 a lap ahead of second-placed Graham and stretched his lead easily for the remainder of the race, but elsewhere there were a few battles. However, we’re getting ahead of ourselves here, because the action started at 6pm, a full two-and-a-half hours before the scheduled race start: Simon turned up early and tried to build a car.
The Tomster gets it in the neck at times for his building prowess, so in the full Molesey spirit of taking the mick out of those who don’t deserve it, we’ll take the mick out of Simon, who does. Two-and-a-half hours not to build a car?! How hard can it be?!
Prior to this week’s race, Simon had spent a small fortune on parts to build a Molesey GT missile, only to find that he’d left one vital part off his order. The spies didn’t give details of the part, so let’s guess. Probably something small and easily overlooked. The motor? The chassis? Wheels? Where’s the facepalm emoji when you need one?
Anyway, the race did eventually start, Simon resorting to using a car that hadn’t run for ten years. His first heat was terrible, but he “managed to fix” the car as the race evolved. Another Molesey miracle.
And that was it really. Graham held second place for the first couple of heats until a terrible Heat 3 lost him more than half a minute and allowed Simon to overtake. Had it not been for his Heat 3 mishap, the heat stats suggest that Graham probably would have bagged second overall.
Julian dominated despite several offs, the Tomster had a nightmare despite Simon trying to help him sort his car – was that wise, Tom? – and Vince wasn’t doing too badly, even though he finished at the bottom of the field.
All in all it was another excellent evening at Molesey. Racing, excuses, laughs and the threat of having to sweep up pubes. What more could you possibly want?
