The Nerfer, The Wide Boy and The Duracell Bunny.

NSR Classics returned this week, again providing classic slot car racing action, even if the action was mainly nerfing, disputed track calls, dodgy cars, plenty of mickey-taking and some truly appalling podium dancing by Terry.

Lee won despite spending the pre-race practice period telling everyone who’d believe him (which wasn’t many) how terrible his car was. Mystic Neil’s eerie ability to press the track-call button almost before crashes happen earned him an earful of complaint from Lee, and Simon’s eerie ability to predict Julian’s absence as scrutineer saw him wheel out a P68 which featured a special wide-track front axle. It’s unlikely that it gave any performance advantage, but it did at least give everyone else plenty of mickey-taking ammunition to lob at him when his car took third spot on the podium and his trick axle was noticed.

The midfield was where the best racing was, David and Ed scrapping over fourth place for the whole race, Ed just a tenth ahead at the half-time tea break, David 1.8 seconds in front after Heat 5, but then almost throwing his lead away by allowing himself to be distracted by Terry in the final heat and crashing.

Terry’s pretty handy for an old boy, but when he’s in red lane the poor soul struggles to see the corner at the end of the main straight, so instead jumps about like a demented Duracell bunny trying to improve his sightline. For those sharing the drivers’ rostrum with him, it’s possibly not too much of a hindrance, but for David, parked as he is at Cripples Corner with the drivers’ rostrum filling his peripheral vision, Terry’s dancing is damned distracting. Race horses wear blinkers, so maybe that’s what David needs too, or perhaps we could just chain Terry to the wall to calm him down a little. On the other hand, perhaps not. He’d probably enjoy it.

Lower down the order, Neil held a solid sixth place until Tom punted him off in Heat 5, dropping him behind Terry and Graham. Tom might be the club’s junior racer, but he laughed like a pro at Neil’s misfortune, blissfully unaware of the first rule of nerfing: what goes around comes around. Your turn will come, Tom. Your turn will come…